Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Two words: blizzard sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
