I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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