plz talk dirty to me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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