she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Come on in and take your pants off
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