on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just tell him i said nine months
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
