grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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