Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
