i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
