Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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