Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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