Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
