Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
