There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
