The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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