remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
