y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
