I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
