I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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