Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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