no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
