every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
