Ambien. No doubt about it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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