goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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