You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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