i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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