MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
