Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
