I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
