she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
