it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
