TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
