so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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