I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
