I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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