you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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