Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
