just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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