I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
