My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
