How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
