The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
