If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
