chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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