he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
