thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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