Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
