but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
