dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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