alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
