I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
