my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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