I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
