I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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