hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
