Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
