Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
