I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
