I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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