Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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