i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
did i just pee glitter
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
