i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
