I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
