I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
