No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
