Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
