Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
