Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
