I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize