I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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