watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize