we made out on top of his cat.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm like, not good at living.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
