phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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