I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
