Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
