A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize