Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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