hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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